Lesson in Garbage Truck Thinking

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly she/he can get back her/his focus on what's important. Five years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a taxi cab in LOS ANGELES . Here's what happened: I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for  LAX Airport . We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches! The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" And this is when my taxi driver told me; what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.You'll be happy you did. So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck."
I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore." I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on. Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they care about. The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by? You'll be happier. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, TAKE IT! If it changes your life, LET IT! Nobody said it would be easy...They just promised it would be worth it! Find happiness - Find contentment - Find peace - Find God - Find a Friend and enjoy Your Gift.

Definitions of Stress

Stress is a very complex topic and can be challenging to define. In the past four decades a number of useful definitions of stress have been developed. Most of the definitions include similar parts, but some are quite unique. Below are some examples of these definitions.

• Stress is the inability to cope with a perceived (real or imagined) threat to one’s mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. This results in a series of physiological responses and adaptations.

• Stress occurs when pressure exceeds your perceived ability to cope. Palmer S. (1999)

• Stress arises when individuals perceive that they cannot adequately cope with the demands being made on them or with threats to their well-being.

• Stress is a perception-real or imagined-that is interpreted as a threat.

• Stress, it is argued, can only be sensibly defined as a perceptual phenomenon arising from a comparison between the demand on the person and his or her ability to cope. An imbalance in this mechanism, when coping is important, gives rise to the experience of stress and to the stress response.

• Stress is the psychological, physiological, and behavioral response by an individual when they perceive a lack of equilibrium between the demands placed upon them and their ability to meet those demands, which, over a period of time, leads to ill-health.

• Stress is a feeling of separateness from God, a perception of being disconnected from our divine source.

Components of Stress

Two key points are essential to understanding and managing stress.

1. Perception
It is important to be aware of how you perceive pressures from life events. Events or circumstances themselves are not stressful. They only become stressful when you perceive them to be. That is why what is stressful for one person may not be stressful for another.

Stress is also dependent on how you perceive and use your coping abilities to deal with these life events. You need to be aware of and to trust the coping skills that you have to help you. As you engage in more difficult and challenging experiences, it is helpful for you to be open to learning new coping skills.

2. Balance
As with many aspects of life, maintaining balance is very important. It is possible to deal with stressors in a healthy manner. In order to do this, coping skills must be in balance with the pressures of life. This is what will help to keep you staying on an even keel.

Signs of Stress

Read the following list and check which signs apply to you. The more symptoms you identify with, the more you need to be involved in a stress management program.


Feeling anxious, jumpy, uptight, or having panic attacks
Feeling irritable or angry
Feeling depressed, helpless
Poor concentration
Blaming others
Socially withdrawing or feeling lonely
Headaches
Indigestion
Muscle tension or twitches
Difficulty sleeping, falling asleep, waking in the night
Eating, smoking, or drinking more than usual or less than usual
Chewing finger nails
Worrying or feeling fearful often
Sighing, heavy chest, or pressure in chest
Rash or itching
Teeth grinding
Fatigue
Feeling out of control
Feeling like a victim
Wanting to “pull the covers over my head,” avoiding responsibilities
Crying a lot
Talking a lot
Having trouble communicating
Low back pain
Watching too much TV
Any addiction returning

Stress Effects: How Your Body Reacts to Stress

Stress is the response of your body to all of the demands made upon it. Understanding these demands and their effects can help you learn to recognize your own “stress response,” as well as ways to counteract distress to lead a healthier life.

Basic Stress Response
Your body responds to all stress, both positive and negative, by trying to get back to normal. Depending on the stressor (whatever causes the stress response), hormones, like adrenaline, may surge. Your heart beat and blood pressure will probably increase. Your blood sugar rises. These physical responses helped prehistoric humans survive by helping them run away faster and fight harder. By the time they were done, their bodies had discharged the tension of the moment and their stress response was followed by relaxation.

Physical Effects
Today, we experience stressors that are very different from those early survival ones. Yet positive stressors, such as getting married, and negative stressors, such as family conflicts, still cause the same physiological “fight or flight” response.

If a stressful situation goes on for too long without any relief, you might experience diseases and disorders, such as colds, ulcers, insomnia, headaches, or hypertension. You may feel tired, irritable, depressed, or anxious. You may have trouble with sleeping, eating (either too much or too little), drinking, and smoking.

Mind-Body Connection
Your mind and body are connected. When your mind is healthy, your body can resist illness better. When your body is healthy, your feelings are more positive. During stressful times, take care of both for maximum health and satisfaction.

There are many ways to keep all the negative effects of different stressors to a minimum, including:

Distributed under license. © Parlay International (v.3) 16 01.049

Mind-Body-Spirit Connection with Stress

The traditional Western approach to medicine views the body and mind as separate entities. In this approach the body is seen as being like a machine that only primarily surgery and drugs can fix.

Mind-Body

We have come to understand that emotional thoughts can impact the body. For example, you:

Short-Term (Acute) Stress

What Is The Effect Of Short-Term Stress?
The best way to envision the effect of short-term stress is to imagine oneself in a “primitive” situation, such as being chased by a bear.
Brain's Response to Short-Term Stress
In response to seeing the bear, a part of the brain called the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) system is activated. This part of the brain then releases stress hormones that activates a chain of reactions which ultimately results in the release of cortisol.
Cortisol is a key factor in the stress response throughout the body (including the heart, lungs, circulation, metabolism, immune systems, and skin) to deal quickly with the bear.
Neurotransmitters, such as norepinephrine and epinephrine (also called adrenaline), are also released to respond to the stress. These neurotransmitters activate an area inside the brain called the amygdala, which then triggers an emotional response to a stressful event. (In the case of the bear, this emotion is most likely fear.)
Neurotransmitters then signal the hippocampus (a nearby area in the brain) to store the emotionally loaded experience in long-term memory. In primitive times, this combination of responses would have been essential for survival, when long-lasting memories of dangerous stimuli (i.e., the large bear) would be critical for avoiding such threats in the future.
During a stressful event, the same neurotransmitters also suppress activity in areas at the front of the brain concerned with short-term memory, concentration, inhibition, and rational thought. This sequence of mental events allows a person to react quickly to the bear, either to fight or to flee from it. (It also hinders the ability to handle complex social or intellectual tasks and behaviors).
This process is often referred to as the “fight or flight” response.
Response by the Heart, Lungs, and Circulation to Short-Term Stress
As the bear comes closer, the heart rate and blood pressure increase instantaneously.

Long-Term (Chronic) Stress

If stress continues, it can begin to affect all areas of a person’s life. The following boxes contain some of the effects that have been shown to be associated with long-term stress.

Sustained Levels of Excessive Stress

Facing challenges with plenty of energy. Responses are positive and effective!











Increasingly tired, anxious, frustrated, and upset. Quality of work may suffer.









Continued high stress may lead to sense of failure in your tasks (or at work)
and increased illness. May begin to feel exploited.








If high stress continues without relief, depression, burnout, or a nervous breakdown may ensue.

Breaking the Stress Response

Take a Deep Breath… And Relax

When you’re under stress, your muscles tense and your breathing becomes shallow and rapid. One of the simplest (and best) ways to stop this stress response is to breathe deeply and slowly. It sounds simple, and it is. Most people, however, don’t breathe deeply under normal circumstances, so it may help to review the mechanics of deep breathing and how it helps you to relax.

Breathing Under Stress
When prehistoric humans were in danger of attack, their muscles tensed and their breathing became rapid and shallow as they prepared to run or fight. Their high level of tension was a means of preparing their bodies for optimum performance. Today, the causes of our “stress” are different, but our stress response is the same. However, since we’re not running or fighting, our tension has no release and the stress response builds. One way to counteract the stress response is to learn how to breathe deeply and slowly – the opposite of how we breathe when under stress.

How Deep Breathing Works
Deep breathing is not always natural to adults. Watch the way a baby breathes: The area beneath the chest goes in and out. Most adults, however, breathe from the chest. This is shallower breathing, so less oxygen is taken in with each breath. As a result, the blood is forced to move through the system quickly so that enough oxygen gets to the brain and organs. Higher blood pressure results.

Deep breathing can reverse these effects. Take some time to practice this kind of breathing each day, especially when you’re under stress. You can be sitting, standing, or lying down, but it helps to wear loose, comfortable clothing. Begin by breathing in through your nostrils. Count to five, silently saying the word “in,” and let your lower abdomen fill with air. Then count to five, silently saying the word “out,” as you let the air escape through pursed lips. Do this deep breathing for two minutes or more each time. With practice, you’ll be able to count slowly to 10 or higher. You can increase relaxation if you imagine breathing in ocean air, the scent of flowers, or forest air.

Effects of Deep Breathing
By helping you let go of tension, deep breathing can relieve headaches, backaches, stomach aches, and sleeplessness. It releases the body’s own painkillers, called endorphins, into the system. It allows blood pressure to return to normal, which is good for your heart. Deep breathing can also allow held-in emotions to come to the surface, so your emotional health benefits from deep breathing too. Use deep breathing anytime, anywhere. It’s one of the best techniques for relieving stress.

Distributed under license. © Parlay International (v.3) 16 01.049

Relaxation Breathing

Assessing How You Breathe

Relaxation Breathing

Meditation

Meditation is the oldest type of relaxation strategy. In all cultures meditation is a state of being with increased concentration and awareness. In all cultures meditation is a technique of contemplative and reflective thought. Meditation can be used to create a sustained period of time in which one focuses attention and increases self-awareness. For many, meditation is sought out in response to a deep human need for something transcendental or beyond everyday experiences. However, meditation can also be practiced as a way to reduce stress.

Basic Guidelines to Practicing Meditation

Time

Basic Guide to Meditation

You can teach yourself the basics of meditation by following a few
simple steps:
• Find a quiet place
• Make sure there are no distractions
• Sit in a comfortable position
• Close your eyes
• Shut out the world so your brain can stop processing information
coming from your senses.
• Pick a word or phrase; find a word or phrase that means something
to you, whose sound or rhythm is soothing when repeated
(e.g., one, peace, shalom, the Lord is my shepherd, Hail Mary
full of grace).
• Breathe slowly and practice relaxation breathing
• Say the word or phrase again and again
• Try saying the word or phrase silently to yourself with every
exhalation
• The monotony will help you focus
• Do not be concerned when other thoughts come to mind; just
acknowledge them and return calmly to your word or phrase.
• Continue for 10 to 20 minutes, but even 5 minutes can leave
you feeling calm and refreshed.
• Rise slowly

Practice once or twice daily.

Are You Stressed?

There is no definitive survey to determine if you are stressed or exactly how stressed you really are. However, questionnaires do help increase awareness that there may be a problem in one or more areas of your life. The following is an example of a simple stress inventory to help you determine the level of stress in your life. Read each statement and then place an “x” under Agree or Disagree. Then count the number of “Agree” points (one per question) and use the Stress Level Key to determine your personal stress level.


Statement Agree Disagree

1. I have a hard time falling asleep at night. ____ ____

2. I tend to suffer from tension and/or migraine headaches. ____ ____

3. I find myself thinking about finances and making ends meet. ____ ____

4. I wish I could find more to laugh and smile about each day. ____ ____

5. More often than not, I skip breakfast or lunch to get things done. ____ ____

6. If I could change my job situation, I would. ____ ____

7. I wish I had more personal time for leisure pursuits. ____ ____

8. I have lost a good friend or family member recently. ____ ____

9. I am unhappy in my relationship, or am recently divorced. ____ ____

10. I haven’t had a quality vacation in a long time. ____ ____



Statement Agree Disagree

11. My life has little meaning or purpose. ____ ____

12. I tend to eat more than three meals a week outside the home. ____ ____

13. I tend to suffer from chronic pain. ____ ____

14. I don’t have a strong group of friends to whom I can turn. ____ ____

15. I don’t exercise regularly (more than three times per week). ____ ____

16. I am on prescribed medication for depression. ____ ____

17. My sex life is not very satisfying. ____ ____

18. My family relationships are less than desirable. ____ ____

19. Overall, my self-esteem can be rather low. ____ ____

20. I spend no time each day dedicated to meditation or centering. ____ ____

Stress Level Key
Less than 5 points You have low level of stress and maintain good coping skills.
More than 5 points You have a moderate level of personal stress.
More than 10 points You have a high level of personal stress.
More than 15 points You have an exceptionally high level of stress.

Question: What could you currently do to lower your stress level score?

From Seaward B. L. (2005). Achieving the Mind-Body-Spirit Connection: A Stress Management Workbook.
Sudbury, MA: Jones and Bartlett

Caregiver Experiences

Caregiving responsibilities are usually taken on gradually with the progression of the illness of the patient. As the caregiving responsibilities become more intensive, the caregiver often realizes that changes have taken place in one’s life related to the experiences of being a caregiver.

Caregiver Experiences Identified by Other Caregivers

What do you experience in your life related to your role as a caregiver?
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________________


Some of the experiences caregivers undergo can take a toll on the health of the caregiver. These can be seen as “potential costs” of caregiving. These can be put into different categories.

Potential Costs of Caregiving

Economic

Positive Aspects of Being a Caregiver

Being a family caregiver can be challenging and stressful. But caregivers are quick to point out the positive aspects of this role as well. The following are some positive perceptions of caregiving:

“It’s such a good feeling to know that I am a constant in her life. She can depend on me and she knows that I will be there for her.”

“I want to be able to say when they’re gone, ‘I did the best I could.’”

“I have learned to be patient. I live my life like it’s the last day. Every day I live my life to the fullest!”

“I laugh a lot…we laugh.”

“You know, there’s something I just thought of that’s surprising. Because I think growing up we were quite dysfunctional. I probably wound not have said that we grew up with a lot of love. But taking care of them now, I’m glad that they’re having the time to show each other the love that they want to show each other. So I think the positive thing with having my parents with me now is that it’s helped me deal with situations that were difficult for me as a child.”

“The fulfillment I feel is that this was my purpose, and I have no regrets.”

“I’ve learned assertiveness skills that, yes, I’m very good with now!”


What is a good part of being a family caregiver for you?
______________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Effects of Stress

Stress is the way our bodies react both physically and emotionally to any change, be it good, bad, real, or imagined. Life is filled with both short-term (acute) and long-term (chronic) stress. Acute stress is the reaction to an immediate threat. This type of stress is known as the "fight-or-flight" response. The threat can be any situation experienced as danger.

Stress is a necessary part of life in that it increases our level of alertness. When life’s demands, however, exceed our ability to cope or when our coping is not enough or unproductive, this creates unhealthy stress. Such stress can then create new problems or worsen existing medical conditions.

Often life presents us with nonstop pressures. For example, long-term pressures such as the constant care for another person, loneliness, or financial worries can lead to chronic stress.

The body's stress response involves all body systems. The heart, immune system, lungs, digestive system, blood vessels, and brain are all tailored to address the perceived danger. Under most circumstances during short-term stress, once the threat has passed, the stress response becomes inactivated, and levels of stress hormones return to normal.

The art of stress management is to keep ourselves at a level of stimulation and alertness that is healthy and enjoyable.

Basically there are 3 ways in which we can intervene with stress:

1. We can change our environment.
2. We can change how we cope.
3. We can change both.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Reinhold Niebuhr

Relaxation Response

The relaxation response is a term coined by cardiologist Herbert Benson of the Mind/Body Medical Institute at Harvard. It is a physical state of deep rest that changes the physical and emotional responses to stress (e.g., decrease in heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension). If practiced regularly, it can have lasting effects when encountering stress throughout the day and can improve health.
Regular elicitation of the relaxation response has been scientifically proven to be an effective treatment for a wide range of stress-related disorders such as chronic pain, infertility, hypertension, and insomnia. In fact, to the extent that any disease is caused or made worse by stress, the relaxation response can help. Research has shown the relaxation response to be associated with a reduction in doctor visits, fewer complications for patients having open-heart surgery, significant increase in the self-esteem of high school students, decrease in PMS symptoms in women, and improved grade scores, work habits, and cooperation in inner city middle school students.
Elicitation of the relaxation response is not difficult. There are two essential steps to eliciting the relaxation response:

Principles for Effective Use of Stress Management
Techniques

There are numerous ways of deliberately working on trying to reduce one’s stress levels. Some methods work on relaxing the body, others relaxing the mind, and others involve relaxing the spirit. It is good to be familiar with a variety of techniques.

In addition to the CD you will be asked to listen to for the duration of this program, we will be working on experimenting with different techniques. Breathing techniques, besides being extremely portable and versatile, are basic to most all other techniques.

The techniques of imagery, meditation, and to a certain extent muscle relaxation, have certain similarities. They can be summarized in the following principles:
Principle 1: Mind-Body-Spirit Connection
To the body, images that are created in the mind can be almost as real as the actual, external events. Advertisements have adopted this principle for years. Have you ever had the experience of hunger or salivation after watching a particular commercial? Your body is feeling “I’m hungry” in response to a mental suggestion. You can imagine yourself eating a favorite food, and your body responds with hunger. Or you can gaze at some beautiful scenery and feel a sense of peace. You can use this mind-body-spirit connection in other ways to improve your health and state of mind.
Principle 2: Altered State of the Relaxation Response
In the altered state, the body and mind are capable of more rapid, intense healing, growth, learning and performance. Sometimes the idea of being in an altered state can be frightening, but in fact, we automatically do this several times a day. Have you ever arrived at a destination and you do not even recall the events of the drive there? This is an example of a relaxed focus, or a shift in attention. Sometimes you can get so engrossed in a task or activity that you lose track of time or of your attention to the people around…you’ve tuned them out. This is the goal particularly of imagery and meditation. Through practice, you can achieve the relaxation response where your body and mind can rest and rejuvenate.

Principle 3: Sense of Control
By achieving a sense of control, one automatically feels better and does better. So much of the day the caregiver seems to be out of control. The caregiver must be flexible and adapt to the constantly changing needs and demands of the patient. Feeling in control has been shown to be associated with higher optimism, self-esteem, tolerance, and reactivity to stress. Imagery and meditation are internally driven, with you in control. The realization that you have the control to decrease your stress, improve your mood, and enhance your health can be achieved through practice. In addition, an idea behind the technique of imagery is when you imagine what you want to happen, it will help you make it happen.

Guide for Relaxation Practice

Relaxation practice is one of the most important parts of the caregiver stress-busting program. We are asking you to take home the ideas you learn in the group sessions and put them into practice in your daily life. It is very important to complete your relaxation practice EVERY DAY. At first this is hard. However, we hope that in time, it becomes an integral and valuable part of your daily routine. Many people who have incorporated a daily relaxation practice into their busy lives find it so valuable that they will find time for this practice before finding time for other activities. We hope that after practice you will feel refreshed and renewed, at peace with yourself and your loved one, and be more prepared to accept the challenges of caregiving. As with any new exercise, it becomes easier with practice.

You may also have felt a little silly, wondering how just deep breathing could make you handle stress more easily. Your mind may still be racing even as you practice the exercises, and you may tell yourself you can’t do it. Please don’t give up. These are all perfectly normal, natural experiences we all have when we first start practice. Just as a marathoner would not try to go out and run miles on the first few practices, don’t expect that you will do this perfectly after only a few sessions. Again, it becomes easier with practice.

It is also all right if your mind is racing, your body can still relax, and in time your mind will slow down. If you have a lot of thoughts popping into your mind, just accept them, and let them go knowing you will get to them with more energy and focus after you complete your relaxation.

Sometimes it’s best to just approach these exercises without any expectations. Just be curious and see what you can learn.

Creating a Relaxation Environment

As a caregiver, it is very difficult to find a quiet place and time for yourself. If your patient naps, has a favorite show that they will sit through, or a friend or relative can watch them for a short time, take advantage of this time for your practice. It is very important that you set aside the time every day, preferably around the same time to develop the habit of practice, and reinforcing to your family that this is your time. Make sure you have a quiet, private place where you will not be interrupted, and let everyone know that this time out is very important to you and they must respect it. This includes keeping the dog or cat out of the room (although sometimes they find it very relaxing too.) You won’t need a clock as the CD acts as a timer. The headphones or earphones will help you achieve an inner focus without outside, interfering noises.

Relaxation CD

You have been given a relaxation CD that lasts approximately thirty minutes. You may use the CD player that we are providing or your own, but we suggest that you use headphones or earphones because they help focus the coaching voice and relaxing music better than a large speaker system.

The relaxation guides on the CD will coach you through relaxation breathing, simple muscle relaxation, and guided imagery. As you had practiced the relaxation breathing in the group, you may have found that you had to concentrate and it seemed like hard work at first. Please do not get discouraged! When one gives up trying to do it perfectly, the relaxation breathing becomes easy and natural.

Some Possible Problems and Solutions That Are Common to Beginning Practice

Finding Time: Sometimes people view relaxation practice as another item on their already overwhelming to do list. However, try to approach this as a reward for yourself, not a task. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and you do not have to push yourself to do it perfectly. One of the hardest tasks you face as a caregiver is taking care of yourself FIRST. The truth is if you do not take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of anyone else for very long. And remember: You’re worth it!

Falling Asleep: If you find yourself feeling very tired when you are ready to practice, it probably will be important for you to remain in a sitting position. You may need to do some simple stretches to become more alert. If you choose to lie down, you may find yourself falling asleep. If this happens, do not be too hard on yourself, but try to take the time to practice again. Your body may not know how to relax: it thinks that slow-down time only means sleep, as if you only have ‘go’ and ‘stop’ switches. You may need to re-train it so that there is a neutral!

Body Sensations: Sometimes you may experience different body sensations as you deeply relax. You may feel warm, skin flushing, some tingling in your hands and feet, and a light or heavy feeling all over. This is not unusual, and usually indicates that relaxation is occurring. If you are concerned, open your eyes and check out the body part where you feel the sensation. Please call us if you are concerned.

Uncomfortable Emotions: Sometimes when you finally have time to sit down by yourself you may experience some emotions that you did not have time to feel before. Often caregivers feel anger, sadness, and frustration. If the emotion is not too threatening or overwhelming, allow yourself to experience it without any judgment or justification. Sometimes it’s the body’s way of releasing some unconscious feelings that have been locked away. Another strategy may be to focus on the breath and let the emotion flow out with each exhalation. You may want to write down any emotions you experience during practice, and may want to share them with others. You will probably find that you are not alone in your experience.

Dealing with Negative Thoughts: If you experience any of the following negative thoughts, tell yourself firmly to “STOP!” and challenge the thoughts with the questions listed below under Solutions. These common automatic and unproductive thoughts can interfere in your practice.
“It seems that nothing can help me, so there is no point in trying."

“I do not have enough time, I’m too busy.”

“I think that what I do will not be good enough.”

“I feel too bad, sad, nervous, or upset to do it now.”

Solutions: Challenge your automatic thoughts with these questions:
“Is this really true?”

“Am I jumping to conclusions?”

“What is the evidence?”

“Is it to my advantage to think like this?”

“Am I exaggerating or overemphasizing a negative aspect of the situation?”

REMEMBER: There is no such thing as failure. There are only big successes, small successes, and learning experiences.

More Relaxation Techniques

The following are some additional techniques for attaining relaxation: imagery, the meditation of “creating your own space”, progressive muscle relaxation, and passive muscle relaxation. For the duration of this program, you are asked to listen to the CD on a daily basis. You may also choose to use these techniques in addition to the CD. After the program, use the one that suits you most, continuing the daily practice. Most people will use many of the techniques, or a combination of them, depending on the time, place, and/or mood.

Imagery

This is an easy stress management technique that requires no equipment other than an active imagination. It is a gentle process that helps to focus and direct the imagination. Athletes use imagery to envision their achievements; speakers use imagery to rehearse successful presentations; and patients use imagery to strengthen their immune system, decrease pain, and improve overall health.

Imagery is, in short, daydreaming. Daydreaming has been given a bad reputation, but when used therapeutically it is not a waste of time. In addition to the positive physical benefits, a mental time out is also when creative ideas most often arise.

The benefits of imagery include positive impact on health, creativity, and performance. Research has shown that guided imagery can reduce blood pressure, lower cholesterol and blood sugar levels, and increase short-term immune cell activity. Patients undergoing surgery who have used guided imagery before anesthesia was induced were found to have less blood loss and reduced needs for postoperative pain medications. Guided imagery helps reduce the frequency and intensity of headaches and pain. It also improves skill at athletic and performance abilities, and most importantly, improves motivation.

Some ways in which caregivers might find imagery useful:

Creating Your Special Place: An Imagery Exercise

Begin by closing your eyes and taking several slow, deep breaths.
• Imagine a place where you feel completely comfortable and peaceful. It may be a real place or one you imagine; one from your past or some place you have always wanted to go.
• Allow this special place to take form, slowly. As it takes form, look around, to your left, to your right. Enjoy the scenery: the colors, the texture, the shapes.
• Listen carefully to the sounds of your place. What do you hear?
• Is there a gentle breeze or sunshine warming your face? Pick up or touch some favorite objects from your special place.
• Take in a deep breath through your nose, and notice the rich smells around you. Perhaps your favorite flower is in bloom, or you smell the scents of the ocean.
• Take another deep breath and relax. Enjoy the peace, comfort, and safety of your special place.
• This is your special place. You relax and feel thankful that you are here, in your special place.

• You can return to this place any time that you wish.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

People often carry a lot of unnecessary tension in their muscles, but it feels “normal” or “relaxed” to them. Progressive muscle relaxation helps you learn the difference between how it feels when your muscles are tense and when you’re relaxed. It is based on the idea that whatever relaxes your muscles will also relax your mind. Passive muscle relaxation differs from progressive muscle relaxation in that it uses your mind only to relax your muscles. To get a feel for this difference compare the scripts on the next pages.

Begin by getting comfortable in a chair that supports your head and neck or, preferably, lie down on your back on a soft surface. You are going to tense and relax muscle groups one at a time. Now let’s go through each group:

Hands and Arms

Passive Muscle Relaxation

The following is a script for passive relaxation. You can read the following instructions to someone else, or have someone read them to you. Or you can read them into a tape recorder, to play for yourself.

Fixation on Body and Breathing: Begin by just resting back, resting your hands on your thighs, or on the arms of the chair very comfortably, and closing your eyes. Just rest back in the way that is most comfortable for you right now, and as you settle back, you can begin noticing the feelings and sensations in your body right now. For instance, you may become aware of the feel of your shoes on your feet; or you may notice the sensations in your hands as they rest there; or the way that the chair supports your body. And as you continue listening to me, I'd like you to simply allow yourself to breathe easily and comfortably. And as you do so, you can notice the sensations ~ associated with every breath you take, noticing how those sensations are different, as you breathe in [timed to inhalation], and as you breathe out [timed to exhalation]. Just notice those feelings as you breathe in, and fill your lungs, and then notice the sense of release or relief as you breathe out.
Passive Relaxation: And now I'd like you to concentrate particularly on the feelings in your toes and feet. Just allow all the muscles and fibers in your feet and toes to become very deeply relaxed. Perhaps even imagining in your mind's eye what that would look like, to see all those little muscles and tissues becoming soft and loose, and limp and relaxed. Allowing yourself to get that kind of feeling that you have, when you take off a pair of tight shoes that you've had on for a long time. And you can just let go of all the tension in your toes and feet, and feel the relaxation spread. [very brief pause]
And now imagine that this comfort and relaxation is beginning to flow and spread like a gentle river of relaxation, upward through your ankles, and all through your calves. Let go of all the tension in your calves, allowing them to become deeply, and restfully, and comfortably relaxed. And when it feels as if that comfort has spread all the way up to your knees, gently nod your head up and down to let me know. [pause] [After a response]: Good.
And allow that comfort to continue flowing upward, into your knees, and behind your knees and through your knees, and all through your thighs. Letting go of all the tension in your thighs, perhaps once again imagining what that might look like, to see all those larger muscles becoming soft and loose, and deeply relaxed. Perhaps already noticing that sense of gentle heaviness in your legs, as they just sink down, limp and slack, into the chair and into the floor. And when you notice that sense of heaviness in your legs, gently nod your head up and down again. [As the relaxation progresses, it is usually desirable to gradually speak somewhat slower, in a more relaxed manner, with slightly longer pauses between phrases.]
And continue to allow that comfort to flow and spread upward, at its own pace and speed, up into the middle part of your body. Flowing into your pelvis and abdomen and stomach, [pause] flowing through your hips and into lower back. Letting that soothing, deep comfort spread, inch by inch, progressively up through your body, flowing from muscle group to muscle group. Gradually flowing up into your chest, [brief pause] up into your back, [brief pause], between your shoulder blades, and into your shoulders. Just allowing all the tension to loosen and flow away. As if somehow, just the act of breathing is increasing your comfort. As if somehow, every breath you take is just draining the tension out of your body, taking you deeper, and deeper into comfort, with every breath you take.
And allow that comfort to flow into your neck and your throat. Perhaps imagining once again what that would look like, for all the little fibers and muscles in your neck and throat, to become deeply, softly, and comfortably relaxed. Letting that relaxation sink deep into your neck. And it can gradually flow up the back of your neck, right up into your scalp, and then all out across your head and scalp, as if it's just bathing your head with waves of comfort, and relaxation. And that relaxation can wash out across your scalp, flow down into your forehead, like a gentle wave, down across your face, into your eyes, your cheeks, your mouth and jaw. Just letting go of all the tension and tightness in your face, and mouth, and jaw, letting your jaw drop, allowing those tissues and muscles to just sag and droop down, in a deeply relaxed, comfortable way.

And now allowing that comfort to flow back down your neck, and across your shoulders, and down into your arms. Flowing down through your elbows, [pause] down through your wrists, down through your hands and fingers, all the way down through your fingertips.

Letting go of all the tension and tightness, letting go of all the stress and strain, all through your body. Just allowing your body to rest, and relax. * Now, I’m going to be quiet and let you enjoy the relaxation, continuing to breathe deeply. (Sit quietly for 5 minutes.)

Now, you know what it feels like to be deeply relaxed. Try to remember this feeling so that you can practice this on your own. Slowly, move your toes and feet; perhaps stretch your arms and move your head, and, when you feel like it, open your eyes.

*Adapted from Hammond D. C. (1998.) Hypnotic Induction and Suggestion: An Introductory Manual. Chicago: American Society of Clinical Hypnosis

Lesson in Garbage Truck Thinking

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly she/he can get back her/his focus on what's important. Five years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a taxi cab in LOS ANGELES . Here's what happened: I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for  LAX Airport . We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches! The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" And this is when my taxi driver told me; what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on.You'll be happy you did. So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck."
I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore." I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on. Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Leaders and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they care about. The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by? You'll be happier. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.. Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, TAKE IT! If it changes your life, LET IT! Nobody said it would be easy...They just promised it would be worth it! Find happiness - Find contentment - Find peace - Find God - Find a Friend and enjoy Your Gift.